The passage is part of an autobiographical account by someone who struggled with alcoholism and had issues with relationships, particularly romantic ones.

It begins by asking if others were doing similar things ('But then, as far as I was concerned, wasn’t everyone doing the same thing?'), suggesting a sense of universality or normalcy around these problems. However, this feeling changes when physical consequences start to manifest: 'I started to realize something was wrong when I began to get beaten up.'

The author acknowledges having known deep down that they had an alcohol problem ('I think I always knew deep down I had a drinking problem'). This realization leads them to join Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), where the primary goal is abstinence from alcoholic beverages.

After joining AA, the author mentions abstaining not just from drinking but also from any form of romantic or sexual activity for five years. The reason given could be either genuine regret ('I couldn’t even look at a girl, much less believe I deserved to converse with one') or fear that others might see through their facade.

The passage then shifts into more personal details about the author's past behavior: 'Then the glaze as they tried to hide how much I was hurting them. Till the big saucer eyes were looking at me.' These lines suggest a pattern of emotional manipulation and hurtful relationships, particularly with romantic partners.

It appears that the author would often wait until their partner had become deeply invested in the relationship before revealing their true nature or ending things ('I’d wait until they were totally in love with me'). The use of passive voice here ('was looking at me') further emphasizes the distance and lack of personal responsibility felt by the narrator.

The passage concludes with a comparison to serial killers, who supposedly feel no remorse for their actions. However, unlike physical serial killers, this author suggests that his behavior was more emotional or psychological: 'Mentally, not physically, I never hit a girl in my life.'

Overall, the text seems to be an honest account of someone's struggles with addiction and relationships, possibly as part of a larger work like a memoir or novel. The tone is reflective rather than accusatory, suggesting that the author feels they have finally come to terms with their past actions and are now ready to share this story publicly ('I’ve been punished, so it’s okay to talk about it all.').

Diary of an oxygen thief page 2